I had lunch with my mother and my daughter today. It's become a regular occurance - we go to one of a handful of local cafes every couple of weeks and conversation is usually repetitive and superficial.
My mother has retreated into herself. She doesn't go out much and very little changes in her day to day life. For years she was deeply involved in the church, a commited charismatic christian and now she can't be bothered getting out of bed on a sunday morning, a few years ago this would have been unimaginable!
Our conversations tend to fall into ever decreasing circles going over and over the same topics. Today was different, however. I've realised (pretty late in the day, but at least I figured it out eventually) that these lunches are my oppourtunity to gather her stories, not only for myself but for my children. My mother is notoriously unwilling to talk about anything uncomfortable, which just about covers everything unfortunately.
Gradually at these lunches on neutral ground she is starting to open up and I'm convinced its the presence of my 8 yr old daughter. Past, present and future gathered around the table, the link between the three of us makes the link between her and me easier for me to deal with. My girl is so like me and yet so not like me, her sweetness and light and her complete ignorance of the complexity of the connection between me and my mother makes these lunches possible.
One day my mum won't be around, and the only way my children will ever know anything about her is through me. All of a sudden it's important to feel like I've got something to tell them.
